No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
