Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
