literally had 100 drinks last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
