What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
