What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
