If i come over, it means nothing
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
