u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
