Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
