You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
