Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
