so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize