Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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