At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
