I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
