I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
