on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Barsexuality is the new black.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
