You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
