Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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