We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
