thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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