I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
