genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
