Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
