We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Your penis caused this!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
