Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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