I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
