Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
