Sponge bath it is.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
