I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize