The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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