Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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