I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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