Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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