omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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