I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
