i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize