her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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