i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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