well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
