You really coming over, don't trick.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im holly from the hills drunk
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
