Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
