Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
