I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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