She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
