ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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