Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
