My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
soo... how was my night?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
