i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
