in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
