It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
