remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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