Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
