I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize