I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
