Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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