Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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