The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
