As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
