I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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