my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
