You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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