i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize