fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
