it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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