I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
