So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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