dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
