You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
