this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
